Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
