i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
