4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
