The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
youre lurking in front of me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
