wanna go halves on a baby?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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