you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
