If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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