Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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