her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
no, he came in my armpit
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
