Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
