i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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