if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
