Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
