Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
