My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
