been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
