i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
