She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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