I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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