lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
