how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
