Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
