Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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