these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
