When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
