fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
