I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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