i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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