I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
