I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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