New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
