i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
