i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
