Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
