I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
