I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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