My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
