her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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