i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
