If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
