I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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