fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
