you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i've created a new STD.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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