The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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