Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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