omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
