So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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