Will you blow on my dice?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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