god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
