There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
