I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
